Epic Text Adventure 0.5 Beta

Welcome, Player - to the Epic Text Adventure.

Currently, The Players logged in are:

Spoiler:

Nobody! The Game Is Not Running!

The Rules are simple.
1) You must reply in simple format.
1ex. >Read Rulebook
2) No Cheating. Cheaters will feel the narrator's (that's me) wrath. Something bad will happen. I promise.
3) No being inappropriately inappropriate.
4) You can log out at any time, but you will lose all progress and have less max HP upon returning.
5) That's all for now, players.

Currently, there are 6 weapons discovered.

• Shortbow (0 Damage) [Uses all Arrows]
  
• Pistol (0.5 Damage)
  
• Wooden Spear (0.5 Damage - Ignores Shields)
  
• Bronze Sword (1 Damage)
  
• Gold Sword (5 Damage)
  
• Iron Axe (1.5 Damage, 10% Miss)

Currently There are 4 ammunition types Discovered.

• Basic Ammo (+0.5 Damage)
  
• Explosive Ammo (+1.5 Damage)
  
• Wooden Arrow (+0.5 Damage)
  
• Bronze Arrow (+1.0 Damage)

Currently, there are 1 shield(s) discovered.

• Wooden Shield (-0.5 Damage)

Currently, there are 1 Food(s) discovered.

• Ham Sandwich (Heals 1 Heart)
  
• Fried Chicken (2 Pieces: Heals 0.5 Hearts)

Dude I am the highest form of cheater, I'm gonna play just to riverdance on the line between cheating and playing fair.

Threadnaught.

Threadnaught:
-You find yourself sitting against a tree in the middle of a forest. The only thing you can see that isn't a tree is a bomb half-buried by your feet. You are holding a shortbow and there are 3 wooden arrows in the quiver on your back.

I enjoy narrating a text adventure...but I enjoy playing them even more! I'm in. Name's Ephraim.

Ephraim:
Welcome! You spawn on a small treeless island in the middle of an ocean. You soon find out why the trees are gone, when you look in your inventory and find a homemade raft. There is also a rope and a ham sandwich.

>Dig out Bomb
>Disarm Bomb
>Masturbate into Bomb so my enemies will really be *bleep*ed when I use it

>ride raft north

Threadnaught:
You have acquired a bomb. There is no need to disarm the bomb. When you do the perverted action you chose, you armed the bomb and it exploded. You have lost 2 1/2 Hearts and your appendage. Luckily for you, there is a bandage in your shirt pocket.

Ephraim:
From here you can see another small island to the north. To the east you can see a ship. A small leak has sprung in your raft, and if you don't hurry you'll have to swim.

>go to island

-Ephraim:
Upon Arrival on the island, you notice a recently deceased person. Next to them is a shovel and a half-buried treasure chest. There is also a small longboat with a hole in it. It's safe to assume this guy was from the ship that's now Southwest of you. Your raft sinks.

>Flip off GM

>Use CriticalExistenceFailure to avoid using Bandage

>Check CharacterSheet

>get shovel
>dig out chest

Threadnaught:
Flipping the GM off? That's not very nice! The hand of the GM appears in the air above you and a lightning bolt strikes down your very existence. You spawn again in the cargo hold of a ship.

Ephraim:
You have acquired a shovel. Upon digging out the chest, you realize it isn't locked. Inside it is 50 coins and a golden sword. The sword is rusted and will probably break soon. Under the sword is a bottle of glue and a plank.

>Search for something to write with

>Think about kicking the GM's ass

>get all
>use glue on plank to fix boat

(I may as well join.)

Threadnaught:
Looking around the cargo hold, you don't find anything to write with but you do find an open crate. There's another crate next to it that's shaking rapidly, as if something is trying to get out.

Ephraim:
The Longboat is now operational. You have lost the plank and the glue. Inside the longboat is an oar.

Colin:
Welcome! You spawn in the middle of the desert. It's hot. To your east is an oasis. In your inventory you find a canteen. The canteen doesn't feel empty. As well, you have a Bronze Axe. It's broken.

>examine dead person

Ephraim:
On the dead person's body is a small purse and a gun. There doesn't seem to be any ammo and the gun only has one shot. It seems like they were a pirate that got kicked off the ship, and this gun was in case they wanted to kill themselves. There appears to be nothing else in his pockets.

How can it have one shot if it has no ammo? Oh well.

>get all
>open purse

Ephraim:
Inside the purse is a small card. The card seems to be for a pawn shop. There's also what seems to be the handle of a key.

>get all
>get in boat
>sail southwest (to the ship)

Colin walks to the oasis. As he walks, he opens the canteen and poors some of the contents onto his hand and looks at it.

Drag moving crate to wall>

Prise open side near wall using Arrow as a Lever>

Hope whatever's in the crate isn't small enough to fit through the tiny amount of space I'm giving it>

Also that it's friendly>

Taunt whatever's in the still crates by kicking them for the heck of it>

Ephraim:
You arrive at the ship. It appears to be deserted, but you can hear something banging against the wall nearest you. There is a rope ladder hanging down the side of the ship.

Colin:
Wise Decision, if you had decided to assume it was water, you would have probably died. Out of the bottle pours dust, but at the end a small note pops out.

Threadnaught:
Ignoring the open crate, you push the closed one against the wall and waste and arrow prying it open. The arrow snaps and whatever is inside can be heard eating the arrowhead that fell in.

I'm in. Name: Azriel.

>climb up rope

Realize that opening crate would be suicide>

Open crate anyway>

Say "hi" to whatever vicious death waits inside>

Azriel:
Welcome! You spawn in the middle of a desert. To your west in an Oasis. To the south you can see a plateau, and on the top appears to be a city. In your inventory you seem to have a key and a wooden spear. There's a quiver of wooden arrows at your feet.

Ephraim:
Everyone on the ship is dead. Well, that's what it looks like. You can hear noise coming from below deck. There are six dead bodies aboard the ship.

Threadnaught:
Inside is a brown puffball with razor sharp teeth. It sees the quiver on your back and does a triple backflip over you, grabbing your arrows and eating them. It stares at you ravenously, and you are now defenseless. Great Job, Sherlock.

Break crate>

Feed Puffball Wood>

Run while it's feeding>

Colin opened the note and began to read it. As he was reading it, he filled his canteen from the oasis.

Threadnaught:
The Puffball looks disgusted at the wooden plank, and chases after you. Since you didn't choose a direction, you stay in the cargo hold and the puffball begins to eat you alive. You scream out in pain before you black out. When you awake, you find yourself in a casino.

Colin:
The message turns out to be a help notice written by yourself. You must have died in a past life, probably stranded on an island or something.

>check corpses

"Oookay?" Colin looked at the letter with confusion. With a full canteen of water, Colin walked in a random direction.

Ephraim:
Altogether you find 100 Coins, 10 more ammunition, 3 explosive ammunition, a bomb, 2 ropes, 2 bronze swords, 1 Iron axe and a quiver of bronze arrows.

Colin:
Please specify a direction. I don't understand the term random.

Colin walked south.

Colin:
You walk into the desert. There is an Oasis north of you. To your East is a plateau. On top of it is a city. You are starting to heat up.

Colin heads east. As he walks, he takes a small sip of water.

...Seriously?

>get all
>equip swords
>go below deck

Colin:
Reaching the edge of the Plateau, you can't find a way up on this side. You can go back the way you came or travel around the north or south side of the plateau. Your canteen is now 3/4 full.

Ephraim:
What did you expect off of 6 dead pirates? When you arrive in the cargo hold, you can see a destroyed crate and a dead body. The dead body has a shortbow in its hand and an empty quiver on its back. There is an open crate. There is a sleeping brown puffball on the edge of a cannon. You can only use one weapon at a time.

Pull Slot Machine's lever>

Win $1,000,000,000,000>

>examine puffball

Threadnaught:
The Slot Machine might have given you a triple 7, if you'd put in a coin to play. Unfortunately for you, you lost you coins back when I killed you for flipping me off. Yeah, you lose stuff when you die if you haven't noticed. Instead, the Machine Breaks down and a Security Guard escorts you off the premises. You find yourself in a city. There is an armory and a general store. There is also what seems to be the entrance to a cave. The last building of any entrance is the police station and academy.

Ephraim:
The puffball is asleep. It has razor sharp teeth and is currently covered in blood stains.

Colin headed north.

Remember Pickpocketing the Security Guard while being escorted out of the Casino>

Go into cave and hope I'll find the legendary Armour of Invincibility>

Like Swords>

I'm in. Names Dakara.

Kaxi logs in.

Colin:
It's hot out. You see the entrance to a cave on this face of the Plateau. To the north you can see somone standing around in the desert, or.. you think you can see one. You don't know. Did I mention its hot out?

Threadnaught:
When you attempt to pickpocket the security guard you find out that he doesn't have pockets you can pick. He clearly senses you feeling him up and punches you in the face, dealing 0.5 Damage. You are still outside the casino. The guard is looking at you and standing in the entrance. There is an armory. There is a general store. There is a cave entrance. In a nearby allyway you can see a thug attempting to rob a businessman. The thug doesn't have any weapons equipped.

Dakara:
Welcome to the Epic Text Adventure! You spawn in a store. The shopkeeper is nowhere in sight and the door is locked. You have a slightly used lockpick and a Ham Sandwich in your inventory. There is a door leading to the city. There is a cash register. On the shelves you can see various foodstuffs and a shield.

Kaxi:
Welcome! You spawn in a prison cell. The door is unlocked. There is a dead body in the chair outside the door. There are sounds of life on the other side of a door behind the body. There is a lit torch on the wall, and a pistol on a nearby box.

Colin headed into the cave taking another small sip of water.

Spoiler:

:: Open the unlocked jail cell door.

:: Pick up the pistol off the nearby box.

:: Check the number of rounds in the pistol and what type of rounds they are.

:: Check if the supposedly dead body truly is dead.

:: If the dead body really is dead, search the dead body.